Stay Happily Married » affairs http://stayhappilymarried.com A marriage and relationship resource for couples seeking marriage counseling and growth. Mon, 30 Jan 2012 14:00:53 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 A marriage and relationship resource for couples seeking marriage counseling and growth. Stay Happily Married no Stay Happily Married stayhapp@stayhappilymarried.com stayhapp@stayhappilymarried.com (Stay Happily Married) 2006-2009 How to stay happily married - The latest marriage tips and advice from the nation's leading authors, counselors, and mental health professionals. Topics include, sex, intimacy, marriage counseling, conflict, kids, and family. marriage, divorce, counseling, marital strife, intimacy, counseling, affair, sex, conflict, arguments, author Stay Happily Married » affairs http://stayhappilymarried.com/shm/wp-content/uploads/shm-albumart144.png http://stayhappilymarried.com/category/affairs/ How to Tell Your Spouse You Have Had an Affair http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/11/07/how-to-tell-your-spouse-you-have-had-an-affair/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/11/07/how-to-tell-your-spouse-you-have-had-an-affair/#comments Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:00:05 +0000 stephanie http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=1124

They say that once trust is lost that it can never be regained. The ultimate betrayal of trust in a relationship is, without a doubt, an affair. People often don’t realize the consequences of their actions until after the act has been committed. Undoubtedly, the hardest part of an affair is when you come to the point where you need to tell your spouse exactly what has happened. Like anything else, there is a right and a wrong way to break this heavy news to your spouse.

Dr. Janet Savia joins us to discuss the effects that an affair can have on your relationship and how to break the news to your spouse. Janet practices in Durham, NC with Lepage Associates, where she helps couples repair marriages damaged by trust issues on a daily basis. She has a master’s and doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Dr. Savia works with helping people with general stress and life transitions, and personal growth pursuits. To find out more about Dr. Janet Savia you can visit the Lepage Associates website or call 919-570-000 for an appointment.

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/11/07/how-to-tell-your-spouse-you-have-had-an-affair/feed/ 0 They say that once trust is lost that it can never be regained. The ultimate betrayal of trust in a relationship is, without a doubt, an affair. People often don’t realize the consequences of their actions until after the act has been committed. They say that once trust is lost that it can never be regained. The ultimate betrayal of trust in a relationship is, without a doubt, an affair. People often don’t realize the consequences of their actions until after the act has been committed. Undoubtedly, the hardest part of an affair is when you come to the point where you need to tell your spouse exactly what has happened. Like anything else, there is a right and a wrong way to break this heavy news to your spouse. Dr. Janet Savia joins us to discuss the effects that an affair can have on your relationship and how to break the news to your spouse. Janet practices in Durham, NC with Lepage Associates, where she helps couples repair marriages damaged by trust issues on a daily basis. She has a master’s and doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Dr. Savia works with helping people with general stress and life transitions, and personal growth pursuits. To find out more about Dr. Janet Savia you can visit the Lepage Associates website or call 919-570-000 for an appointment. Stay Happily Married no 18:20 Discovering Your Amazing Marriage http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/10/17/discovering-your-amazing-marriage/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/10/17/discovering-your-amazing-marriage/#comments Mon, 17 Oct 2011 14:00:24 +0000 stephanie http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=1086

Ever felt like ending your marriage after a bad argument or affair? There could be a better solution. Marriage is one of the best and worst things you will ever go through in life. From arguments, lifestyle changes, children and even infidelity; there never seems to be a rule on how exactly you should handle each of the different events that life throws at you.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have a “go-to” couples who’d be through it all before?

Jason and Debby Coleman have been happily married for 22 years. They’ve been through it all. They’ve dealt with infidelity, lifestyle changes, children, and anything else that life could throw at them. Instead of giving up and walking out they decided to work through their issues and record their solutions into a book called Discovering Your Amazing Marriage, now available on Amazon.com. To find out more about Jason & Debby Coleman you can visit their website at www.youramazingmarriage.com.

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/10/17/discovering-your-amazing-marriage/feed/ 0 Ever felt like ending your marriage after a bad argument or affair? There could be a better solution. Marriage is one of the best and worst things you will ever go through in life. From arguments, lifestyle changes, Ever felt like ending your marriage after a bad argument or affair? There could be a better solution. Marriage is one of the best and worst things you will ever go through in life. From arguments, lifestyle changes, children and even infidelity; there never seems to be a rule on how exactly you should handle each of the different events that life throws at you.  Wouldn't it be nice to have a "go-to" couples who'd be through it all before? Jason and Debby Coleman have been happily married for 22 years. They’ve been through it all. They’ve dealt with infidelity, lifestyle changes, children, and anything else that life could throw at them. Instead of giving up and walking out they decided to work through their issues and record their solutions into a book called Discovering Your Amazing Marriage, now available on Amazon.com. To find out more about Jason & Debby Coleman you can visit their website at www.youramazingmarriage.com. Stay Happily Married no 22:38 Here Comes the Judgment http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/09/19/here-comes-the-judgment/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/09/19/here-comes-the-judgment/#comments Mon, 19 Sep 2011 14:00:23 +0000 stephanie http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=1044

They say that hindsight is 20/20. We often never see the real problems in a relationship until after they have exploded. With couples divorcing at an alarming rate, it may be time to call on a new relationship expert- someone who deals with divorce. There is no better way to learn than from your mistakes; or even better, the mistakes of others. Judge Lynn Toler has worked with divorcing couples for years. She has seen couples at their worst and has been able to use this experience for the good of all relationships.

Judge Lynn Toler is a graduate of Harvard University and The University of Pennsylvania Law School. She has elected and served as judge on the Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. Lynn has hosted such shows as Power of Attorney, Divorce Court, and Decision House. Lynn is also a frequent guest on the NPR show News and Notes. With all of this going on, Lynn has somehow managed to write two books. Her first, My Mother’s Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius, as well as Put It In Writing, a book that gives readers concrete, conflict-free solutions to difficult situations that arise.  To find out more about Lynn, please visit www.JudgeLynn.com. You can catch Judge Lynn in action on Divorce Court, airing weekdays in syndication nationwide. To find out where to watch, check your local listings or go to www.divorcecourt.com.

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/09/19/here-comes-the-judgment/feed/ 0 They say that hindsight is 20/20. We often never see the real problems in a relationship until after they have exploded. With couples divorcing at an alarming rate, it may be time to call on a new relationship expert- someone who deals with divorce. They say that hindsight is 20/20. We often never see the real problems in a relationship until after they have exploded. With couples divorcing at an alarming rate, it may be time to call on a new relationship expert- someone who deals with divorce. There is no better way to learn than from your mistakes; or even better, the mistakes of others. Judge Lynn Toler has worked with divorcing couples for years. She has seen couples at their worst and has been able to use this experience for the good of all relationships. Judge Lynn Toler is a graduate of Harvard University and The University of Pennsylvania Law School. She has elected and served as judge on the Cleveland Heights Municipal Court. Lynn has hosted such shows as Power of Attorney, Divorce Court, and Decision House. Lynn is also a frequent guest on the NPR show News and Notes. With all of this going on, Lynn has somehow managed to write two books. Her first, My Mother’s Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius, as well as Put It In Writing, a book that gives readers concrete, conflict-free solutions to difficult situations that arise.  To find out more about Lynn, please visit www.JudgeLynn.com. You can catch Judge Lynn in action on Divorce Court, airing weekdays in syndication nationwide. To find out where to watch, check your local listings or go to www.divorcecourt.com. Stay Happily Married no 25:24 Learning to Trust Again http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/08/08/learning-to-trust-again/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/08/08/learning-to-trust-again/#comments Mon, 08 Aug 2011 15:00:11 +0000 stephanie http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=965

It takes a lot of moving pieces to make a relationship work; such as patience and compromise. However, perhaps the most important element to any relationship is trust. Without trust a relationship can become stunted from growth. When trust is taken away from a relationship, it can crumble on it’s very foundation. Trust is one of the hardest items to attain and even more difficult to earn back once it is lost.

Dr. Abigail Hirsch, an accomplished scholar of such prestigious academic institutions as Harvard, University of Colorado, and University of Massachusetts,  joins us to discuss how to put trust back into your relationship. Abigail’s background in Clinical Psychology is the driving force behind her website Power of  Two, a marriage counseling website. The results from her online counseling service, Power of Two, have been so successful that the project has received a $2.5 million federal grant dollars. You can find out more about Abigail by visiting www.poweroftwomarriage.com or by calling 877-411-4948

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/08/08/learning-to-trust-again/feed/ 1 It takes a lot of moving pieces to make a relationship work; such as patience and compromise. However, perhaps the most important element to any relationship is trust. Without trust a relationship can become stunted from growth. It takes a lot of moving pieces to make a relationship work; such as patience and compromise. However, perhaps the most important element to any relationship is trust. Without trust a relationship can become stunted from growth. When trust is taken away from a relationship, it can crumble on it's very foundation. Trust is one of the hardest items to attain and even more difficult to earn back once it is lost. Dr. Abigail Hirsch, an accomplished scholar of such prestigious academic institutions as Harvard, University of Colorado, and University of Massachusetts,  joins us to discuss how to put trust back into your relationship. Abigail's background in Clinical Psychology is the driving force behind her website Power of  Two, a marriage counseling website. The results from her online counseling service, Power of Two, have been so successful that the project has received a $2.5 million federal grant dollars. You can find out more about Abigail by visiting www.poweroftwomarriage.com or by calling 877-411-4948 Stay Happily Married no 21:34 After An Affair – Can Anything Positive Come of It? http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/08/03/after-an-affair-can-anything-positive-come-of-it/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/08/03/after-an-affair-can-anything-positive-come-of-it/#comments Wed, 03 Aug 2011 18:27:24 +0000 admin http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=953

For most couples dealing with infidelity, the idea of anything good coming from an an affair seems impossible. When trust and intimacy are shattered, it’s easy to believe that nothing can ever fix them. But are couples who stay together and work through the issues surrounding infidelity able to rebuild the relationship to healthy place?

Dr. Molly Parks returns to the show to examine what some of the common triggers are for affairs, what kind of specific impact that usually has for each spouse, and what good, if any, can come to couples who choose to deal with the issues and work through an affair.

Molly has over a decade of experience helping both adults and children deal with emotionally challenging issues ranging from social isolation and relationship issues to PTSD and trauma victims. She practices with Lepage Associates in Durham. You can schedule an appointment by calling 919.572.0000, or by visiting LepageAssociates.com.

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/08/03/after-an-affair-can-anything-positive-come-of-it/feed/ 1 For most couples dealing with infidelity, the idea of anything good coming from an an affair seems impossible. When trust and intimacy are shattered, it's easy to believe that nothing can ever fix them. But are couples who stay together and work throug... For most couples dealing with infidelity, the idea of anything good coming from an an affair seems impossible. When trust and intimacy are shattered, it's easy to believe that nothing can ever fix them. But are couples who stay together and work through the issues surrounding infidelity able to rebuild the relationship to healthy place? Dr. Molly Parks returns to the show to examine what some of the common triggers are for affairs, what kind of specific impact that usually has for each spouse, and what good, if any, can come to couples who choose to deal with the issues and work through an affair. Molly has over a decade of experience helping both adults and children deal with emotionally challenging issues ranging from social isolation and relationship issues to PTSD and trauma victims. She practices with Lepage Associates in Durham. You can schedule an appointment by calling 919.572.0000, or by visiting LepageAssociates.com. Stay Happily Married no 27:03 The Suspicion is Killing Me http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/07/18/the-suspicion-is-killing-me/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/07/18/the-suspicion-is-killing-me/#comments Mon, 18 Jul 2011 18:09:48 +0000 toby http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=922

Do you obsess over suspicions of your spouse’s infidelity (either physical or emotional)? Dr. Nicole Imbraguglio returns to the show do discuss the reasons why we harbor suspicion towards our spouses and why some people are more likely than others to be bothered by it constantly. She also illuminates the difference between a healthy amount of suspicion that can be helpful in identifying issues before they become problems, and when it crosses the line to become a problem that can hurt the marriage.

Dr. Imbraguglio practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC and helps both adults and children with a wide range of emotional issues. She has provided counseling for individuals, groups, couples, and families. You can learn more about Nicole at LepageAssociates.com, or by calling 919.572.0000

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2011/07/18/the-suspicion-is-killing-me/feed/ 0 Do you obsess over suspicions of your spouse's infidelity (either physical or emotional)? Dr. Nicole Imbraguglio returns to the show do discuss the reasons why we harbor suspicion towards our spouses and why some people are more likely than others to b... Do you obsess over suspicions of your spouse's infidelity (either physical or emotional)? Dr. Nicole Imbraguglio returns to the show do discuss the reasons why we harbor suspicion towards our spouses and why some people are more likely than others to be bothered by it constantly. She also illuminates the difference between a healthy amount of suspicion that can be helpful in identifying issues before they become problems, and when it crosses the line to become a problem that can hurt the marriage. Dr. Imbraguglio practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC and helps both adults and children with a wide range of emotional issues. She has provided counseling for individuals, groups, couples, and families. You can learn more about Nicole at LepageAssociates.com, or by calling 919.572.0000 Stay Happily Married no 20:04 10th Anniversary: Reflections of a Marriage Counselor http://stayhappilymarried.com/2010/11/29/10th-anniversary-reflections-of-a-marriage-counselor/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2010/11/29/10th-anniversary-reflections-of-a-marriage-counselor/#comments Mon, 29 Nov 2010 22:12:08 +0000 http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=723

Does 10 years of marriage seem like a piece of cake, or have you made it through the first ten years and wonder if you’ll make it for another 10?

Dr. Tina Lepage returns to the show to let us behind the curtain of what a marriage counselor’s relationship is like and shares what she has done to keep her marriage strong for a decade.

Tina is the founder of Lepage Associates, where she focuses on personal and professional relationship issues, as well as children and family therapy, and personal growth. You can find out more about Tina and her staff by visiting her website at LepageAssociates.com, or by calling her office at 919.572.0000

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2010/11/29/10th-anniversary-reflections-of-a-marriage-counselor/feed/ 0 Does 10 years of marriage seem like a piece of cake, or have you made it through the first ten years and wonder if you'll make it for another 10? - Dr. Tina Lepage returns to the show to let us behind the curtain of what a marriage counselor's relatio... Does 10 years of marriage seem like a piece of cake, or have you made it through the first ten years and wonder if you'll make it for another 10? Dr. Tina Lepage returns to the show to let us behind the curtain of what a marriage counselor's relationship is like and shares what she has done to keep her marriage strong for a decade. Tina is the founder of Lepage Associates, where she focuses on personal and professional relationship issues, as well as children and family therapy, and personal growth. You can find out more about Tina and her staff by visiting her website at LepageAssociates.com, or by calling her office at 919.572.0000 Stay Happily Married no Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity http://stayhappilymarried.com/2010/04/19/saving-your-marriage-after-infidelity/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2010/04/19/saving-your-marriage-after-infidelity/#comments Mon, 19 Apr 2010 17:03:34 +0000 admin http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=586

Adultery leaves many spouses thinking that there will never be any trust in the relationship and that divorce is the inevitable conclusion. How likely is it that your marriage will survive infidelity, and is it possible to rebuild trust and respect?

Mary Jo Rapini joins us to explore the different reasons men and women cheat, the likelihood that a marriage will survive cheating, and a checklist that you can put into place today to repair your marriage if infidelity has damaged the relationship.

Mary Jo is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in Houston, TX. She also writes a syndicated newspaper column, hosts a television show in Houston, and has appeared on CNN, Headline News, and TLC. You can find out more about Mary Jo at her website, MaryJoRapini.com, where you can get information on her services, books, and videos, as well as read her blog for couples.

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2010/04/19/saving-your-marriage-after-infidelity/feed/ 0 Adultery leaves many spouses thinking that there will never be any trust in the relationship and that divorce is the inevitable conclusion. How likely is it that your marriage will survive infidelity, and is it possible to rebuild trust and respect? - Adultery leaves many spouses thinking that there will never be any trust in the relationship and that divorce is the inevitable conclusion. How likely is it that your marriage will survive infidelity, and is it possible to rebuild trust and respect? Mary Jo Rapini joins us to explore the different reasons men and women cheat, the likelihood that a marriage will survive cheating, and a checklist that you can put into place today to repair your marriage if infidelity has damaged the relationship. Mary Jo is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a private practice in Houston, TX. She also writes a syndicated newspaper column, hosts a television show in Houston, and has appeared on CNN, Headline News, and TLC. You can find out more about Mary Jo at her website, MaryJoRapini.com, where you can get information on her services, books, and videos, as well as read her blog for couples. Stay Happily Married no 22:50 Unfaithful: Hope And Healing After Infidelity http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/11/23/unfaithful-hope-and-healing-after-infidelity/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/11/23/unfaithful-hope-and-healing-after-infidelity/#comments Mon, 23 Nov 2009 16:00:17 +0000 admin http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=479

When first dealing with infidelity, the pain and shame can make recovery seem unlikely. Too many people see an affair as a death-sentence for a marriage, but Gary and Mona Shriver are proof that recovery and forgiveness are possible and worth the effort and have created a ministry dedicated to couples whose marriages have been shaken by infidelity.

You can find out a lot more about Gary and Mona Shriver and “Unfaithful, Hope & Healing after Infidelity”, along with information about Hope and Healing ministries at HopeAndHealing.us, which features a wealth of free audio and video resources for couples dealing with infidelity. You can also order a copy of Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity at Amazon.com

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/11/23/unfaithful-hope-and-healing-after-infidelity/feed/ 1 When first dealing with infidelity, the pain and shame can make recovery seem unlikely. Too many people see an affair as a death-sentence for a marriage, but Gary and Mona Shriver are proof that recovery and forgiveness are possible and worth the effor... When first dealing with infidelity, the pain and shame can make recovery seem unlikely. Too many people see an affair as a death-sentence for a marriage, but Gary and Mona Shriver are proof that recovery and forgiveness are possible and worth the effort and have created a ministry dedicated to couples whose marriages have been shaken by infidelity. You can find out a lot more about Gary and Mona Shriver and "Unfaithful, Hope & Healing after Infidelity", along with information about Hope and Healing ministries at HopeAndHealing.us, which features a wealth of free audio and video resources for couples dealing with infidelity. You can also order a copy of Unfaithful: Hope and Healing After Infidelity at Amazon.com Stay Happily Married no 29:09 Facebook Affairs http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/10/12/facebook-affairs/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/10/12/facebook-affairs/#comments Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:28:31 +0000 admin http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=455

Social networks like Facebook and MySpace can be a great way to get in touch with friends and classmates from your past, but also make emotional and sometimes physical relationships that harm your marriage as easy as clicking and typing. Sage Navarra joins us to explore what makes these online relationships so appealing, what causes the emotional affairs to ensue, and steps you can take in your marriage to remove the temptation without forsaking your favorite online hang-out.

Sage is a Licensed Psychotherapist with a private practice in Chapel Hill, NC, where she provides psychotherapy for both individuals and couples on issues ranging from trauma and anxiety, to body image and intimacy. You can find out more about Sage and her practice on her website, at SageNavarra.com, or by calling her office at 919.929.3717

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/10/12/facebook-affairs/feed/ 1 Social networks like Facebook and MySpace can be a great way to get in touch with friends and classmates from your past, but also make emotional and sometimes physical relationships that harm your marriage as easy as clicking and typing. Social networks like Facebook and MySpace can be a great way to get in touch with friends and classmates from your past, but also make emotional and sometimes physical relationships that harm your marriage as easy as clicking and typing. Sage Navarra joins us to explore what makes these online relationships so appealing, what causes the emotional affairs to ensue, and steps you can take in your marriage to remove the temptation without forsaking your favorite online hang-out. Sage is a Licensed Psychotherapist with a private practice in Chapel Hill, NC, where she provides psychotherapy for both individuals and couples on issues ranging from trauma and anxiety, to body image and intimacy. You can find out more about Sage and her practice on her website, at SageNavarra.com, or by calling her office at 919.929.3717 Stay Happily Married no 20:33 Whose Fault Is The Affair? http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/09/14/whose-fault-is-the-affair/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/09/14/whose-fault-is-the-affair/#comments Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:41:05 +0000 admin http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=436

Has an affair left you unable to trust or respect your spouse, or are you concerned that a growing emotional distance between you and your partner may lead to infidelity? Dr. Stephen Frueh returns to the show to discuss what role each spouse plays in an affair and recovery and take a look at traditional views on blame and responsibility can drive a couple farther apart.

To find out more about Stephen’s speaking and workshops and to subscribe to his podcast, be sure to visit MarriageConversation.com, where you can learn more about his upcoming book, From Marginal To Magnificent: How to Make Your Marriage Sing. You can also check out his last book, With These Rings at Amazon.com. Stephen also recommends Bruce Derman’s We’d Have A Great Relationship if It Weren’t For You for any couple that feels their marriage is marginal.

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/09/14/whose-fault-is-the-affair/feed/ 0 Has an affair left you unable to trust or respect your spouse, or are you concerned that a growing emotional distance between you and your partner may lead to infidelity? Dr. Stephen Frueh returns to the show to discuss what role each spouse plays in a... Has an affair left you unable to trust or respect your spouse, or are you concerned that a growing emotional distance between you and your partner may lead to infidelity? Dr. Stephen Frueh returns to the show to discuss what role each spouse plays in an affair and recovery and take a look at traditional views on blame and responsibility can drive a couple farther apart. To find out more about Stephen's speaking and workshops and to subscribe to his podcast, be sure to visit MarriageConversation.com, where you can learn more about his upcoming book, From Marginal To Magnificent: How to Make Your Marriage Sing. You can also check out his last book, With These Rings at Amazon.com. Stephen also recommends Bruce Derman's We'd Have A Great Relationship if It Weren't For You for any couple that feels their marriage is marginal. Stay Happily Married no 31:02 Surviving An Affair http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/06/08/surviving-an-affair/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/06/08/surviving-an-affair/#comments Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:49:10 +0000 admin http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=369

Affairs or even the suspicion of an affair can drive a huge wedge into a couple’s marriage.  Author Peggy Vaughan joins us in studio to discuss her own experience with her husband’s affair as well as discussing how a married couple can get past the affair on their way to continuing a happy and fulfilling marriage.

Peggy is one of the country’s leading experts on the subject of affairs.  She’s appeared on television shows, in multiple magazines and newspapers, and has written numerous books on affairs and infidelity.  You can find out more about Peggy by visiting her website at DearPeggy.com.  You can also buy her book The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs at Amazon.com.

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2009/06/08/surviving-an-affair/feed/ 1 Affairs or even the suspicion of an affair can drive a huge wedge into a couple's marriage.  Author Peggy Vaughan joins us in studio to discuss her own experience with her husband's affair as well as discussing how a married couple can get past the aff... Affairs or even the suspicion of an affair can drive a huge wedge into a couple's marriage.  Author Peggy Vaughan joins us in studio to discuss her own experience with her husband's affair as well as discussing how a married couple can get past the affair on their way to continuing a happy and fulfilling marriage. Peggy is one of the country's leading experts on the subject of affairs.  She's appeared on television shows, in multiple magazines and newspapers, and has written numerous books on affairs and infidelity.  You can find out more about Peggy by visiting her website at DearPeggy.com.  You can also buy her book The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs at Amazon.com. Stay Happily Married no 28:07 Avoiding Infidelity http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/10/13/avoiding-infidelity/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/10/13/avoiding-infidelity/#comments Mon, 13 Oct 2008 21:44:48 +0000 admin http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=154

It’s always better to stop a problem before it begins than trying to fix it after the fact.  Dr. Betty Phillips joins us to discuss some of the underlying causes of marital infidelity and why problems couples have that may seem trivial or unrelated to the relationship can lead to affairs.  Dr. Phillips also takes time to discuss some of the common indicators that a marriage needs more attention to ensure that infidelity does not become a reality.

Dr. Phillips holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Harvard University and is certified by the National Register of Psychologists. She specializes in relationship and marriage counseling, including helping couples deal with the challenge of recovering from infidelity. Her office is located at 466 Eagle Point Rd. Pittsboro, NC 27312. You can find out more about Dr. Phillips practice, as well as other articles she has written on her website, or by contacting her at (919) 967.1860

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/10/13/avoiding-infidelity/feed/ 0 It's always better to stop a problem before it begins than trying to fix it after the fact.  Dr. Betty Phillips joins us to discuss some of the underlying causes of marital infidelity and why problems couples have that may seem trivial or unrelated to ... It's always better to stop a problem before it begins than trying to fix it after the fact.  Dr. Betty Phillips joins us to discuss some of the underlying causes of marital infidelity and why problems couples have that may seem trivial or unrelated to the relationship can lead to affairs.  Dr. Phillips also takes time to discuss some of the common indicators that a marriage needs more attention to ensure that infidelity does not become a reality. Dr. Phillips holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Harvard University and is certified by the National Register of Psychologists. She specializes in relationship and marriage counseling, including helping couples deal with the challenge of recovering from infidelity. Her office is located at 466 Eagle Point Rd. Pittsboro, NC 27312. You can find out more about Dr. Phillips practice, as well as other articles she has written on her website, or by contacting her at (919) 967.1860 Stay Happily Married no 28:54 Treat Your Marriage Like Your Teeth! http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/09/29/treat-your-marriage-like-your-teeth/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/09/29/treat-your-marriage-like-your-teeth/#comments Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:12:12 +0000 admin http://stayhappilymarried.com/?p=147

By Betty Phillips

Now what kind of whacked-out title is this?  Is Phillips off her rocker?  Well, just think about it.  We’re told to pay daily attention to our dental health, brush and floss each night and seek professional assessment with dental checkups every six months.  When a dental problem is discovered we invest immediately in corrective work, whether or not the charges are covered by insurance.  Why?  Our teeth are a long-term investment and we know we will be much better off if we take good care of this important resource.  Sure, we can purchase replacement (“false”) teeth but we worry that they won’t care for us as well as our original permanent teeth.  Get the picture now?  Phillips isn’t crazy, just likes analogies to get your attention and make her point.  Marriage is an important resource for our long-term mental and physical health — but how do we take care of our marriage partnership?  Not nearly as well as we take care of our teeth.  Sometimes I feel like a voice calling out in the wilderness — let’s pay attention to the health of our marriages!  And let’s pay attention before they deteriorate and decay!  Most couples wait six years from the time marital problems begin until they seek marriage counseling.  No wonder It’s so difficult to restore health and vitality to the marriage.  Your dentist would be appalled if you came in for treatment after six years of dental neglect — assuming you have any teeth left to repair!  When your teeth hurt, you don’t care whether insurance will cover the treatment, you make the appointment and pay up.  When your heart and soul hurt from marital problems, however, the refrain is often: “we can’t afford marriage counseling.”  As a point of information, most insurance programs will cover “family treatment” for you and your spouse although they may tell you they don’t cover “marriage counseling.”  One or more of you will need to be distressed enough to qualify for the family treatment.  My basic point is that you and your spouse should sign up for marriage counseling whether or not it is covered by insurance.  Your marriage should be at least as important as your teeth.

There is another important similarity with dental health.  We grow our first temporary set of teeth which will need to be replaced as we grow up.  Let’s compare this to the first stage in partner relationships, the romantic phase, being madly “in love”, the beginning stage which like baby teeth is destined to fall apart and must be replaced by a second stage of mature and hopefully long-lasting love.  We’re told about the transition from baby to permanent teeth.  Why aren’t we taught about the demise of romantic love and the need to care for the next partnership stage?  Research shows that the stage of romantic love will last up to two years but inevitably will fade.  The serious work of sustaining the longer-term, hopefully permanent relationship begins when this romantic phase ends.  Instead of understanding this, many people become distressed, blame their marriage or partner, and start looking around for another romantic love.  But let’s take another look at the statistics.  40 to 50% of first marriages, 60 to 70% of second marriages and 75% or more of third marriages end in divorce.  The very romantic love of affairs rarely ever graduates to marriage.  When affair partners marry, many of these marriages end up in divorce court.  There are many reasons to stay with our original partner and work on a long-term relationship.

When our baby teeth disappear we can’t get them back.  The euphoric peaks, wonderful happiness, the obsessive need for the lover’s company, the passionate moments of romantic love, similarly are doomed.  When reality strikes, too many of us feel tricked and trapped into a less than happy marriage.  We’re left with an acquired taste for passionate love facing a grumpy spouse, dirty dishes, bills to pay, surprised by the loss of the dream but feeling the same deep need for love and understanding and connection.  What next?  You begin noticing all those annoying, frustrating or just plain awful characteristics of your spouse.  Even worse, you wonder what happened to all those special things you love: tender moments, compliments, little gifts, words of endearment, thoughtful actions.  No It’s not just your marriage; it happens to everyone.  That information will not make you happy but it may help you understand the next step to marital happiness: love work.  Yes the love that was so spontaneous and exciting now has to be prioritized and pursued.  Yes you can live “happily ever after” but the reality is not as easy as the dream.

A major mistake is to blame your spouse for this loss of romantic love.  You have equal responsibility in a relationship.  Furthermore you are the only person who can guarantee that you will change.  If both of you decide to change — great!   Sometimes one spouse will refuse to participate in marriage counseling with the classic words, “you can go to counseling; you are the problem.”  Just smile because you know better.  You can make the initial investment but your spouse will soon become involved when your efforts begin to work.

So what can you do, or both of you do, to keep your love alive?  Everyone wants to love and be loved.  No one wants to nag and fight or withdraw in stony silence.  Real mature love cannot emerge until the romantic illusion fades and is replaced by a partnership of mutual self-interest.

In keeping with my emphasis on humor, here is one of the many marriage jokes: “A word of wisdom for the women who is looking for Mr. Right.  Be sure that his first name is not Always!”

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Dr. Phillips holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Harvard University and is certified by the National Register of Psychologists. She specializes in relationship and marriage counseling, including helping couples deal with the challenge of recovering from infidelity. Her office is located at 466 Eagle Point Rd. Pittsboro, NC 27312. You can find out more about Dr. Phillips practice, as well as other articles she has written on her website, or by contacting her at (919) 967.1860

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/09/29/treat-your-marriage-like-your-teeth/feed/ 1 By Betty Phillips - Now what kind of whacked-out title is this?  Is Phillips off her rocker?  Well, just think about it.  We're told to pay daily attention to our dental health, brush and floss each night and seek professional assessment with dental c... By Betty Phillips Now what kind of whacked-out title is this?  Is Phillips off her rocker?  Well, just think about it.  We're told to pay daily attention to our dental health, brush and floss each night and seek professional assessment with dental c... Stay Happily Married no After an Affair http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/04/07/after-an-affair/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/04/07/after-an-affair/#comments Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:36:58 +0000 mstindia http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/04/07/after-an-affair/

affair.jpgInfidelity. Distrust. Anger. Heartbreak.

25% of men and 15% of women will have an extramarital affair.

An affair can end any marriage. But, it doesn’t have to.

In this episode, Carmella Broome, a Licensed Professional Counselor with Crossroads Counseling Center in Lexington, South Carolina, talks about how couples can repair their marriage post-affair. Be sure to listen as Carmella details the stages couples go through while recovering from an affair.

Please visit Carmella’s website at http://www.solutionsforlife.org.

Sponsored by:Rosen Law Firm- Raleigh Charlotte Chapel Hill, NC

You can access a transcript of the show here.

Click below to play the show.

]]> http://stayhappilymarried.com/2008/04/07/after-an-affair/feed/ 0 Infidelity. Distrust. Anger. Heartbreak. 25% of men and 15% of women will have an extramarital affair. An affair can end any marriage. But, it doesn’t have to. In this episode, Carmella Broome, a Licensed Professional Counselor with Crossroads Co... Infidelity. Distrust. Anger. Heartbreak. 25% of men and 15% of women will have an extramarital affair. An affair can end any marriage. But, it doesn’t have to. In this episode, Carmella Broome, a Licensed Professional Counselor with Crossroads Counseling Center in Lexington, South Carolina, talks about how couples can repair their marriage post-affair. Be sure to listen as Carmella details the stages couples go through while recovering from an affair. Please visit Carmella’s website at http://www.solutionsforlife.org. Sponsored by: You can access a transcript of the show here. Click below to play the show. Stay Happily Married no 25:43 Affair Repair http://stayhappilymarried.com/2007/12/17/affair-repair%c2%a9/ http://stayhappilymarried.com/2007/12/17/affair-repair%c2%a9/#comments Mon, 17 Dec 2007 15:26:44 +0000 mstindia http://69.89.24.101/shm/?p=6

broken-heart.jpgBy: Cynthia Frazier

While many incidents of infidelity go unreported, our best estimate is that 37 percent of married men and 20 percent of married women have been unfaithful at least once during their lifetimes (Laumann, et. al., 1994). Simply put, one in every 2.7 marriages in the U.S. experiences the traumatizing effects of an affair (Spring & Spring, 1996). So how, then, do men and women stay happily married given these odds? Statistics indicate that couples who attempt to reconcile after an affair have a 70 percent chance of staying together, while there is only a 30 percent likelihood of staying with the paramour from the affair (Brown, 1999). Given these odds, it may be more plausible to reconcile after an affair-to stay married, but is it possible to stay happily married?
The chances of repairing a relationship after an affair are increased whenever:

  1. Both the betrayed and the betrayer have a genuine interest, perhaps not at the same level, in restoring the trust which has been breached;
  2. The lover has been given up completely;
  3. Both are willing to accept an appropriate share of responsibility for one’s contribution to the affair;
  4. Both are willing to try new behaviors which build trust;
  5. Both are willing to try new behaviors which build intimacy;
  6. Both are willing to honestly recommit, characterized by a sense of connectedness despite differences, dissatisfaction, and ambivalence;
  7. Both are willing to design a better future by sharing the responsibility for feeling satisfied and loved on a daily basis

Falling in love is effortless. Ending a marriage after an affair has been revealed is understandable. However, learning to love maturely requires time and effort. Most people need to be taught that love naturally moves through phases of romantic love, disillusionment, toward mature love. Remember the exhilaration of first meeting, courting, and falling in love? The novelty, the excitement, the increased vitality, and the stimulation of sexual desire are unlike any other human experience. Unfortunately, this phase of romantic love is fueled by body chemicals, which may also produce idealization of the new love interest (e.g., “I’ve never felt like this before!), and devaluation of your current love (“Everything (s)he does gets on my nerves”). Is there any wonder, then, why we are all at risk for infidelity? As the hormones produced by romance dissipate with time, the vicissitudes of our ordinary lives further weaken the intensity of new love. Studies have shown that marital discord generally surfaces during the first seven years, after the first child arrives, and/or when the first child turns 14 years of age (Shellenbarger, 2004). Other studies suggest that periods of disenchantment occur every four years (Dyn and Glenn, 1993). When disillusioned, dissatisfaction grows, criticism increases, and level of sexual excitement declines. While all may appear “perfect” during the romantic phase, one resumes, in time, one’s idiosyncratic patterns, which may be less than ideal. Complaints mount, such as “You’ve changed. You aren’t the person I married. I don’t like who you have become or how you are acting.” It is during these states of disenchantment that infidelity is more likely to occur. In human relationships, we all tend to grow dissatisfied and to distance, but affection does return and closeness is strengthened. In every sustained relationship, individual needs and differences will eventually conflict and will produce annoyance, disappointment, frustration, etc. Betrayal, however, impedes the development of mature love. Mature love is characterized by compromise, reciprocity, tolerance of the other’s idiosyncrasies, acceptance of the other’s limitations, and the ability to stay connected even during difficult times. Ultimately, one derives the security, permanence, and closeness that love is hoped to be. Passion will be replaced with compassion. Understanding will be augmented with acceptance. Tolerance will be reinforced with patience and respect for differences. Commitment will be redefined by the determination to communicate and compromise rather than to leave. Couples begin to find that they can be their natural selves within the relationship, while still becoming a better person. Can you imagine being so open with another person where all your foibles are exposed and yet feel safe and satisfied? This is not romantic love. It is lasting love.However, it is unrealistic for love to last unless it is reinforced by DAILY acts of loving behavior. It is not enough to think you are behaving in a loving way, you must ask your partner how (s)he perceives you and your behaviors. It is often helpful for couples to make separate lists of the specific ways that they would like the other person to show love. Then, they swap their lists. This gives the other a listing from which one can chose the caring behaviors that (s)he feels comfortable doing. In this way, one can be assured that his or her efforts will be perceived as loving. After an affair, one must continue to work at understanding oneself and one’s partner so that a better future can be constructed together. By “acting in the service of your life together,” you will develop the wisdom to act lovingly even when you don’t feel loving. This is much like the way we act with our children. We may feel particularly angry, annoyed, frustrated, disappointed, etc. with a child, but we somehow are able to continue feeling attached and committed. That’s my kid. I love him (or her) no matter what. Deep within, we know that more loving feelings are apt to return when we act in loving ways. To stay happily married, then, both partners must share the daily responsibility for feeling satisfied, loved, and meaningfully connected. AFFAIR REPAIR© is a psychoeducational program designed by Dr. Cynthia Frazier, Clinical Psychologist for couples, whether married/unmarried, heterosexual/homosexual, who are both motivated to reconcile after an affair and to reinvent their life together. The purpose of the program is to provide couples with a systematic way of approaching reconciliation by providing guidelines to prevent unnecessary turmoil, to reduce the pain associated with the trauma, and to expedite the arduous process. The program will accepting new couples in Spring, 2004. For more information, please contact Dr. Frazier directly.

ReferencesBrown, E. (1999). Affairs: A Guide to Working Through the Repercussions of Infidelity. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.Dyn, B. & Glenn, M. ( 1993, July/August). “Forecast for couples.” Psychology Today, 54-56, 78-86.Laumann, E., Gagnon, J, Michael, R., & Michaels, S. (1994). The Social Organization of Sexuality. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.Shellenbarger, S. (January 8, 2004). “Can This Marriage Be Saved?” The Wall Street Journal Online/ Work & Family.Spring, J. A. (1996). After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding the Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful. New York: HarperCollins Publishers, Inc.

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