Find yourself at odds with your spouse about how to spend your hard earned money? Although no one likes to admit to being materialistic, we all are. How can we not be? Our entire society runs off one thing…money. We need it to put a roof over our head, food in our bodies and function in this world. With something like this playing such a huge role in our lives it is bound to come up in our relationships.

Jessie Sell, a marriage and family therapist with a private practice in Durham, NC believes in using an interpersonal approach with her clients, meaning the better relationship between her and the client, the better the success. Over the last 12 years Jessie has worked in a variety of settings including higher education and non-profit agencies. Now she works with couples hoping to overcome issues in their relationships. To find out more about Jessie Sell you can visit her website or call 919-225-3478 for an appointment.

Ever feel like your spouse isn’t listening? Some people think that dating and getting to know someone can be the hardest part of a relationship. It requires a great amount of effort on both parts to keep things progressing. However, the hardest part of a relationship is actually the stage that most largely encapsulates a relationship, the “comfortable phase”. We know our partner so well we could tell you their schedule without hesitation. We know all of their stories and have heard all of their jokes. It’s at this point in a relationship that a lot of people tend to tune the other spouse out and begin navigating on autopilot. This lack of effort can lead to feelings of disconnection with your spouse. Our guest today believes that mindfulness is what can will help to keep your relationship fresh and to keep you heard.

Dr. Jessica Barry of Wynns Family Psychology in Cary, NC joins us today. Jessica earned her doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Argosy University in Washington D.C. Jessica predominantly works with children, teens, couples and families that have difficulty coping with a wide range of social, emotional and behavioral issues. Jessica’s doctoral dissertation, which will prove especially useful today, was written about the use of Mindfulness techniques. When Jessica isn’t busy working with couples she enjoys spending time hiking, drawing, and cooking with her fiancé. To find out more about Dr. Jessica Barry you can visit the Wynns Family Psychology website or call 919-467-7777 for an appointment.

Is constant interference from your in-laws killing your marriage? We’ve all seen a football game where everything went from fantastic to devastating in mere minutes. It looks like a clear win; your team is ahead, defeating all obstacles in their path. Then BOOM, out of nowhere interference by the other team turns the game around entirely. What was once an easy game turns messy and complicated very quickly. A good relationship can overcome a lot of obstacles that the world throws at it, but constant interference from an outside source can create larger rifts that are hard to overcome.

Dr. Nicole Imbraguglio is Clinical Director at Lepage Associates in Durham, NC where she provides counseling and evaluation services to individuals of all ages. She is experienced in individual, couples, and group therapy and specializes in couples issues. She holds her Doctorate in Clinical Psychology with a minor in Interpersonal Dynamics, as well as a Master’s degree in Community and Clinical Psychology. To find out more about Dr. Nicole Imbraguglio you can visit the Lepage Associates website or call 919-572-0000 for an appointment.

Is your friendship with your child hurting your marriage? Only a few shorts years ago, or so it seems, we were all children ourselves; laughing and playing with our friends, disobeying our parents, and tormenting the family pet. Before we knew it we were adults who were getting married and having children of our own. When time seems to fly and get away from us, we often forget that we, ourselves, are not children anymore. This can be especially hard when dealing with our own children and a parent’s natural desire for acceptance and love. Sometimes it may seem that the easiest path is to be a friend, rather than a parent but these actions could be harming your marriage.

To give us more insight into the situation we have Dr. Laura Green of Wynns Family Psychology in Cary, NC.  Dr. Greene specializes in child and family therapy and child evaluations. Before joining Wynns Family Psychology, Dr. Greene received her Bachelor’s degree from The College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, MA and her Master’s and Doctorate degrees in Psychology from Rutgers University in New Brunswick, NJ. She has worked in a variety of settings, ranging from outpatient mental health centers to school systems. To find out more about Dr. Laura Greene you can visit the Wynns Family Psychology website or call 919-467-7777 for an appointment.

Anxiety is reaching epidemic proportions with nearly 50% of Americans meeting the criteria for an anxiety disorder at some point in their life. We worry about money, our health, safety, car accidents, whether or not people like us, traveling, work, and more. All this worry takes a huge toll-wasting an enormous amount of time and energy that would be better spent elsewhere. An often overlooked area of concern is the impact of anxiety on our close relationships. Dr. Christine Korol is a cognitive-behavioral therapist who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders and sees the consequences of untreated anxiety on the relationships of many of her patients.

Dr. Christine Korol is a psychologist specializing in anxiety and stress in adults and children and is currently practicing in Calgary, Alberta. She has worked for many years, in both private practice and in hospital settings, and is a former lecturer at the University of British Columbia. Christine is also a cartoonist and author of the blog Wired to Worry and is currently working on an illustrated guide on anxiety management. To find out more about Dr. Korol you can visit her site, Therapy Works.

They say that once trust is lost that it can never be regained. The ultimate betrayal of trust in a relationship is, without a doubt, an affair. People often don’t realize the consequences of their actions until after the act has been committed. Undoubtedly, the hardest part of an affair is when you come to the point where you need to tell your spouse exactly what has happened. Like anything else, there is a right and a wrong way to break this heavy news to your spouse.

Dr. Janet Savia joins us to discuss the effects that an affair can have on your relationship and how to break the news to your spouse. Janet practices in Durham, NC with Lepage Associates, where she helps couples repair marriages damaged by trust issues on a daily basis. She has a master’s and doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Dr. Savia works with helping people with general stress and life transitions, and personal growth pursuits. To find out more about Dr. Janet Savia you can visit the Lepage Associates website or call 919-570-000 for an appointment.

Is your constant bickering ruining your relationship? We’ve all been in a relationship where the fights just never seem to end. We bicker about the little things, the big things, and the things that would matter to no one but us. What does all of this constant fighting do to our relationships? Acclaimed author Laurie Puhn joins us to discuss how fighting affects your relationship, as well as how to overcome the endless fighting cycle.

Laurie has a Bachelor’s and law degree from Harvard University. Formerly a corporate attorney, she is now a recognized expert in the field of couples mediation and conflict resolution. Laurie has a private practice in couples mediation in Manhattan. Her empowering, fast and simple mediation approach for keeping relationships strong and healthy is what sets her apart from other relationship experts. She is the author of the national bestseller “Fight Less, Love More: 5-Minute Conversations to Change Your Relationship without Blowing Up or Giving In”. When Laurie isn’t busy writing books she is often featured as an expert guest on shows such as Good Morning America, The Early Show, Fox News Channel, Weekend Today, 20/20, and CNN. Her relationship communication advice has been featured in Good Housekeeping, Real Simple, Redbook, Newsday, and The New York Times. Lastly, Laurie is also a syndicated columnist and Huffington Post blogger.

To find out more about Laurie or her book you can visit www.fightlesslovemore.com. Laurie’s book is available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble for purchase.

Ever felt like ending your marriage after a bad argument or affair? There could be a better solution. Marriage is one of the best and worst things you will ever go through in life. From arguments, lifestyle changes, children and even infidelity; there never seems to be a rule on how exactly you should handle each of the different events that life throws at you.  Wouldn’t it be nice to have a “go-to” couples who’d be through it all before?

Jason and Debby Coleman have been happily married for 22 years. They’ve been through it all. They’ve dealt with infidelity, lifestyle changes, children, and anything else that life could throw at them. Instead of giving up and walking out they decided to work through their issues and record their solutions into a book called Discovering Your Amazing Marriage, now available on Amazon.com. To find out more about Jason & Debby Coleman you can visit their website at www.youramazingmarriage.com.

Should you stay married or not? Are the issues in your relationship big enough to warrant a divorce. No matter how perfect a relationship may seem to the outside observer, there are always issues within a relationship that put stress on each of the partners. Although we may love our spouse, we can find ourselves questioning the relationship. It could be the annoying habit of one spouse or a lack of communication and respect. Several problems could leave us wondering if the relationship is really worth all of the effort. Unless the problem is acknowledged and resolved, this could spell a split, or even a divorce, for some.

For more than 20 years, Dr. Robin Siebold has worked with individuals and organizations imparting the skills, insights and strategies that make life more manageable and meaningful. She specializes in divorce and relationship issues, communication skills, and codependency. Robin is a licensed mental health counselor and maintains a private practice in Florida. Robin has recently published a book called To Divorce or Not: Reflections of the Self, which is now available on Amazon. To find out more about Robin you can always check out her website at www.robinsiebold.com.

Let’s face facts, no relationship is perfect! In the “relationship road trip” there are potholes, speed bumps and road kill that all couples have to try steer clear of. More often than not, when we have stopped paying attention, we run into something we didn’t mean to hit.  The best way to protect yourself, and your spouse, is to spot the troubled areas on the road ahead, before you hit them head on.

Dr. Karen Sherman joins us to discuss how to set expectations and enjoy your relationship to the fullest.  Karen is a licensed psychologist in New York and has been in private practice for over 20 years. Karen focuses on relationship and marriage counseling and how to help people achieve their greatest potential. Karen is author of “Mindfulness and The Art of Choice: Transform Your Life” and the co-author of “Marriage Magic! Find It, Keep It, and Make It Last”.  Karen is a featured author on such online forums as Yahoo Personals, ThirdAge.com, and HitchedMag.com.

Karen’s books are available on Amazon.com. To find out more about Karen you can visit her websites, www.ChoiceRelationships.com or www.DrKarenSherman.com.

Ever feel like you can never say or do the right thing in your wife’s eyes? Do you aim to impress and end up only causing her stress? We have the keys to making the special woman in your life smile! From remembering the little things, like anniversaries and birthdays, to planning a romantic getaway. We have the secrets that you’ll need to make your other half happy.

Dr. Steevie Jane Parks currently runs her own private practice in Carrboro, NC and has been helping couples with issues for more than 20 years. Equipped with a degree in Clinical Psychology from the University of Maine, Dr. Parks shares with us the secrets of making your wife happy. You can find out more about Steevie by visiting drsteeviejaneparks.com.

Does it seem like your fights with your spouse turn explosive on a regular basis? Do you often find the argument reach the “point of no return”? Kristin Wynns, Ph.D., returns to the show to talk about how to avoid the critical mass in a relationship and keep the arguments from getting explosive and hard to resolve.

Dr. Wynns has a private practice in Cary, NC and specializes in therapy for children, adolescents, and families. You can find out more about Dr. Wynns practice and services at her website,www.wynnsfamilypsychology.com, or by calling her office at 919.805.0182.

Does it feel like even when the fights between you and your partner are over, that things aren’t really resolved? Do you feel like you just aren’t connecting?

Dr. Nancy Dreyfus joins the show to explain why superficial resolutions don’t fix the underlying problem, and to share an approach that will give you the right words to deeply connect with your partner during even the worst argument.

Nancy is a psychotherapist and couples therapist with over twenty-five years of experience, and is the author of Talk to Me Like I’m Someone You Love, a unique book and relationship tool that can help partners in an argument express their feelings and needs in a productive way. You can find her online at NancyDreyfus.com, and can purchase her book from Amazon.

Does it seem like the most serious arguments you and your partner have are always rooted in the same few things? Are you at your wit’s end from having the same arguments over and over?

Dr. Tina Tessina returns to the show to talk about her book Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage. She explains how some of those constant stresses in life can turn into big stresses on your marriage, and what you can do about it.

Tina is a licensed psychotherapist in California with over thirty years of counseling experience. She’s written over a dozen books, and hosts a radio show and a relationship blog. You can find her only at TinaTessina.com, and her book Money, Sex, and Kids can be purchased from Amazon.

Does it feel like your relationship is good enough, but not all that it could be?  Is “good enough” just not good enough anymore?  Dr. Terri Orbuch joins us on the show to talk about her book – 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great.

Terri is the project director of the NIH-funded Early Years of Marriage Project, the longest-running study of married couples ever conducted, which has been ongoing since 1986.  A practicing marriage and relationship therapist for more than 20 years, she is also a popular love advisor on radio, TV, and peoplemedia.com.  She’s a research professor at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan, and a professor at Oakland University.

5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great is published by Random House, and is available on Amazon.com and at all the major booksellers. You can also find her online at DrTerriTheLoveDoctor.com.

Is your marriage no longer magical, but just plain miserable?  Does it feel like you’re trapped with no way of fixing things, to the point where you’re fantasizing about divorce, or worse?  Alisa Bowman returns to the show to discuss her upcoming book, Project: Happily Ever After – Saving Your Marriage When the Fairytale Falters, a personal account of her marriage at its worst and how she and her husband managed to put the pieces back together.

Alisa keeps up a blog at ProjectHappilyEverAfter.com, and has been featured on news shows and in publications across the country.  Her book, which comes out December 28, can be preordered from Amazon.com, and will be available after its release at all major booksellers.

Are the expectations we put on our spouse to blame for the disintegration of intimacy and connectedness? Do you consider yourself a victim of your spouse’s unreasonable behavior, or are you simply bored of your spouse?

Dr. Judith Sherven and Dr. Jim Sniechowski join us to talk about why many people are so quick to abandon a relationship, what factors contribute to that behavior, and what you can change in your marriage to turn around your relationship, as well as the obvious aphrodisiac that most couples overlook.

Drs. Judith and Jim have been married for 22 years and are the authors of 5 bestselling books on marriage and relationships. Be sure to visit their website, JudithandJim.com for more relationship advice and information about their books.

Do you feel like the ways you and your partner think just don’t match up? Does it feel like it might be impossible to really understand each other? Susie Leonard Weller, author of Why Don’t You Understand?: Improve Family Communication with the 4 Thinking Styles joins us to explain how we can improve our communication through understanding these different thinking styles.

Susie is a certified Thinking Styles Consultant and a life and spiritual coach who also teaches parenting and family management at the Community Colleges of Spokane. Her website is SusieWeller.com, and her book can be purchased there or from Parenting Press or Amazon. If you order it from her website, as a special offer, she’ll send you an autographed copy and pay for shipping expenses herself.

Additionally, Susie would like to offer a free resource with 30 tips on stress management. You can contact her by email at sweller@att.net or by phone at  (509) 255-6676 and she’ll send you a copy.

The biggest hurdle to fixing a relationship plagued by conflict is acknowledging the problem, but how do you resolve the underlying disputes without falling into old habits and fighting even more? Will strategies designed for both spouses be effective when only one spouse is willing to work toward solving the problem?

Paul Shaffer returns to the show to share five tools you can start using today to disarm hostile and repetitive conflicts.

Paul has been a professional counselor for almost 25 years and currently owns his own practice, Right Choices Counseling, in Huntersville, NC. You can find out more about Paul and his practice at RightChoicescounseling.com, or by calling 704.578.2725. You can also purchase Paul’s books, Conflict Resolution for Couples, and Conflict Resolution for Christian Couples from Amazon.com, or by visiting the publisher directly, at AuthorHouse.com

Has communicating with your spouse become a lost cause? Does he or she seem not to have any understanding of where you’re coming from, or just flat out refuse to engage – leading to fighting and resentment?

Paul Shaffer joins us to discuss the top 5 factors that create communication stalemates in marriages and other ideas he explores in his book, Conflict Resolution for Couples.

Paul has been a professional counselor for almost 25 years and currently owns his own practice, Right Choices Counseling, in Huntersville, NC. You can find out more about Paul and his practice at RightChoicescounseling.com, or by calling 704.578.2725. You can also purchase Paul’s books, Conflict Resolution for Couples, and Conflict Resolution for Christian Couples from Amazon.com

Do seemingly insignificant problems cause outbursts from you or your spouse? Are even the simplest problems impossible to resolve because of flaring tempers? Dr. Julia Messer joins us to discuss what differentiates normal, healthy anger from a chronic problem that impacts not just your marriage, but all your relationships, as well as some of the common root causes for anger issues and how to begin repairing a relationship at risk from unhealthy anger.

Dr. Messer is a licensed psychologist practicing with Orenstein Solutions in Cary, NC, where she specializes in anger management, depression, and family issues. You can find out more about Dr. Messer at OrensteinSolutions.com, or by calling her office at 919.428.2766.

Is a separation looming on the horizon of your relationship? Ideally, a couple can recognize their problems and get help before divorce is considered an option, but all too often, couples will allow conflict and communication issues to fester until marriage counseling is seen as a last ditch effort on the way to divorce court. Liza Shaw returns to the show to take a look at what puts a couple so close to the edge and what can be done to put the marriage back on the right track.

Liza recommends using resources like MarriageFriendlyTherapists.com and the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy to find a qualified professional to help you and your spouse.

Liza is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist with a private practice in Hickory, NC, where she specializes in couples counseling, family counseling, and grief therapy. You can find out more about Liza and her practice at PowerToThrive.com – or visit PowerToThriveRadio.com for interviews and podcasts. You can also call her office at 828.328.4673

A great marriage can seem like a bit of a mystery when conflict and communication issues are part of your daily routine. What are the secrets that couples with great marriages who know how to weather both the good and bat times are using in their relationships?

Linda and Charlie Bloom join us to discuss what they learned by interviewing couples who have made their marriages work despite difficult challenges, as well as what they’ve discovered in their marriage and counseling practice.

You can purchase a copy of the Blooms first book, 101 Things I Wish I Knew When I Got Married, and their upcoming book, Secrets of Great Marriages from Amazon.com, or by visiting their website, BloomWork.com, where you can find out more about their upcoming workshops and counseling services.

When an argument is brewing, do you know exactly how it will play out before the first angry word is said? Are you constantly having the same argument over and over without ever resolving the root issue? Stephen Hawthorne joins us to examine why we avoid tackling the problems that cause us to have the same argument repeatedly and how to open up to your spouse and resolve these conflicts once and for all.

Stephen has been on the faculty of Duke Medical Center since 1977 and has operated his own private practice in Durham since 1981, where he specializes in psychotherapy services for adults, and children, ranging from chronic illness and depression, to sexual dysfunction and ADHD. You can find out more about Stephen by visiting his website at StephenHawthorneLCSW.com and by visiting his blog about his unique ABCTherapy at ABCTherapy.Wordpress.com

Is it inevitable that as a marriage matures, satisfaction and communication suffer, or are we simply ill-equipped to manage the emotional changes that are a natural part of relationships? Dr. Bryce Kaye joins us to explore the main reasons marriages lose their verve and how understanding the reflexive nature of our emotions can help repair them, as well as discussing his new book, The Marriage First Aid Kit.

Bryce has more than 35 years of experience in therapy and marriage counseling and has a private practice in Cary, NC and Oriental, NC. You can find out more about The Marriage First Aid Kit at the book’s website, MarriageFirstAid.com, and you can order a copy from Amazon.com by clicking here. To find out more about Bryce’s practice, visit his website at CaryCounseling.com

Where is the line between a normal concern for your spouse’s well-being, and micr0-managing his or her every decision? Are problems with respect and control solely the fault of the “parent” in the relationship, or do both spouses play a part in creating this kind of dynamic? Dr. Katrina Kuzyszyn-Jones joins us to look at the control issues and maturity issues that can lead to this problem and discuss what both spouses can do today to start fixing this unhealthy pattern.

Katrina holds a Masters degree in Forensic Psychology, a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and has been practicing for over 10 years. Katrina practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC and can be reached at 919.572.0000, or by visiting LepageAssociates.com

Do you find that personality differences between you and your spouse lead to constant arguements? Is your passive or agressive behavior fueling your spouse’s behavior as well? Liza Shaw joins us to discuss the perils of both passive and agressive behavior and how you can be assertive – voicing your opinion without being abrasive and without letting your spouse walk all over you.

Liza is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist with a private practice in Hickory, NC, where she specializes in couples counseling, family counseling, and grief therapy. You can find out more about Liza and her practice at PowerToThrive.com – or visit PowerToThriveRadio.com for interviews and podcasts. You can also call her office at 828.328.4673

Do you feel that your spouse’s lack of appreciation is a sign that he or she is no longer happy with the relationship? Or is your spouse upset with your marriage while you think things are going fine? This dynamic can lead to feelings of betrayal that quickly spiral into much larger problems like suspicion and resentment that can be toxic to your relationship. Charlotte Michie joins us to discuss what role both spouses play in this problem and how you and your spouse can improve your trust and communication to revive the compassion in your relationship.

Charlotte holds Masters degrees in both Social Psychology and Social Work, and does both individual and couples counseling in her Cary, NC practice. You can find out more about Charlotte on her website, CAMichie.com, or by calling her office at 919.467.3661

Do you find yourself in endless fights with your spouse that never seem to resolve anything? Or perhaps you never discussing important issues and just letting them fester. Dr. Colleen Hamilton shares strategies for putting an end to destructive fighting and turning conflict into a process that is both constructive and beneficial to the marriage, as well as discussing how much fighting is too much, and whether fighting in front of the kids is always a bad idea.

Colleen practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC, where she specializes in interpersonal relationships, depression and anxiety, children’s therapy, and parent coaching. You can find out more about Colleen by visiting the Lepage Associates website, or calling her office at 919.572.0000

Apologizing can be a lot more difficult than it seems. Dr. Kristen Wynns joins us to discuss why some of us find it so hard to apologize to our spouses, the impact of always needing to be right on a marriage, why making your spouse believe your apology is for real can be difficult, as well as her 5 steps for a sincere and constructive apology.

Dr. Wynns has a private practice in Durham, NC and specializes in therapy for children, adolescents, and families. You can find out more about Dr. Wynns practice and services at her website, KristenWynns.com, or by calling her office at 919.805.0182. Kristen also has a brand new blog called Marriage and Parenting 101

Everyone has incidents where a spouse (either husband or wife) is resistant to cooperation or compromise. What kind of factors lead to this behavior? Do parents, social norms, or other factors have a bigger impact?

Dr. Tina Lepage joins us to discuss common issues where husbands and wives have disagreements and how to assess and resolve these issues. Tina is the founder of Lepage Associates, where she focuses on personal and professional relationship issues, as well as children and family therapy, and personal growth. You can find out more about Tina and her staff by visiting her website at LepageAssociates.com, or by calling her office at 919.572.0000

Sometimes, a couple can’t wait to get the kids out of the house, but in other circumstances, when the children leave, feelings of loneliness can be amplified and there aren’t other family members around to serve as a distraction from other issues that are affecting a marriage. Susan Orenstein, Ph.D. joins us to discuss the positive and negative aspects of children leaving the home.

Susan is a licensed Psychologist with offices in Cary, NC and Chapel Hill, NC and you can find out more about her practice by visiting her website at OrensteinSolutions.com or calling her office at 919.654.7311

Making big (or even small) decisions can often be tough – the responsibility and conflict it can bring are issues that can’t be taken lightly, but living in a perpetual state of “maybe” can harm both you and your relationship. Dr. Stephen Frueh joins us to discuss the importance of knowing the “yes”s and “no”s in your relationship.

You can find out more about Stephen’s practice, as well as a schedule of his upcoming events at WithTheseRings.com. Be sure to visit MarriageConversation.com to read his latest articles and listen to his podcast and check out his book With These Rings, Volume 1: A New Look at Marriage

By Susan Orenstein, Ph.D.

In our daily lives, there are lots of routine ways we check to make sure things are on track. Consider, for example, annual medical check-up, kids’ report cards, car tune-ups, monthly bank statements, or the dreaded work evaluation.  All are seen as a way to proactively detect and address problems to keep things on track.   So, why are many people hesitant to seek professional feedback and help for their marriage?

Couples counseling can seem like a daunting step to take.  Here are several misconceptions that explain many couples’ reluctance to seek couples counseling…

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You can find out more about Susan Orenstein, including her upcoming seminars and other articles by visiting her website, OrensteinSolutions.com

Do you find youself immediately jumping to the conclusion that everything your spouse does is meant to upset you? Patty Newbold joins us to discuss how assuming that your spouse is acting out of love can prevent countless marital problems and give you a healthier perspective on your relationship.

Patty also covers how prone we are to locking into a very limited number of solutions to conflicts in our marriages and what you can do to find alternatives that not only solve the problem, but do so without creating more tension between you and your spouse.

You can find out more about Patty on her blog, AssumeLove.com and you can access her podcasts, ebooks, and teleseminars by visiting EnjoyBeingMarried.com

Parenting can be tough and sometimes all your hard work can come at the expense of your spouse. It’s easy to neglect each other when you’re focusing on the children – the key is to save some of the focus for both of you. Rabbi Stephen Baars has been counseling couples on their marriages for over 20 years and joins us to discuss the BLISS program he designed to help couples manage the roles of both parent and spouse.

Rabbi Baars is dedicated to helping couples get on the right track to marriage success. You can find out more about Rabbi Baars seminars and lectures, as well as his book, Bliss: The Marriage and Parenting Book, at his website, www.GetBliss.com

Are issues of past trauma or present anxiety causing conflict in your relationship?  Whether it comes from obvious sources, like military deployment and sexual abuse, or is a side effect of more subtle traumas like put-downs, verbal abuse and neglect, the deep-seated anxiety and stress related issues can manifest themselves as problems with communication and arguments about lifestyle.

Bonnie Gilliom joins us to discuss both large traumas and easily overlooked sources of anxiety for a spouse, as well as discussing the stressful effects of the current economic climate on marriage and what impact different parenting styles can have on a couple.

To find out more about the counseling services Bonnie offers in her Chapel Hill  office, as well as more information about the EMDR technique discussed on the show, visit her website at BonnieGilliom.com, or call her office at (919) 636-0994. You can also visit the Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Institute at www.emdr.com

Can hypnosis really help your marriage? It may come as a surprise to some, but the answer is yes. The use of hypnosis is a technique that allows you to reveal your inner thoughts and make significant progress in your relationship and your life. Dr. Kathleen Connolly joins us and reveals how hypnosis really works and how it can help. She alleviates any fears you might have about the practice and describes a typical session.

Kathleen is the founder of Acumeans Inc, a private counselling and consulting practice in Charlotte, NC. She provides psychological counseling, clinical hypnosis and more. She is certified in clinical hypnosis by the flagship organization for licensed practitioners of hypnosis, the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis. You can find out more about her at www.acumeans.com. You can also purchase Dr. Connolly’s hypnosis CD’s, which deal with subjects such as stress, weight, sleep, and smoking by heading to www.signaturemedia.us

To find a licensed hypnotherapist in your area, be sure to visit the American Society of Clinical Hypnosis.

We’ve all procrastinated at some point, but when avoiding important issues becomes a compulsion, it can have negative effects on your relationship.  Dr. Gloria Arenson joins us to talk about her latest book, Procrastination Nation, and discusses the serious consequences that arise when spouses avoid completing tasks – a behavior often motivated my fear.

Gloria is a psychotherapist, teacher, and author, who runs a private practice in Santa Barbara California.  You can find much more information about Gloria’s other books and media appearances, as well as free articles and other resources on her website at GloriaArenson.com.  You can order a copy of Procrastination Nation from Amazon.com by clicking here.

Bill and Pam Farrel join us to talk about their book, The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make, and explain the importance of emotions and communication in making decisions for the good of your relationship.

The Farrels also discuss the importance of keeping a positive outlook regardless of the challenges your relationship faces, as well as how great an impact keeping a sense of humor, even in trying times, can have on your marriage.

The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make is out now on Harvest House Publishers.  Order it now on Amazon.  You can visit their website, FarrelCommunications.com for signed copies of this and other books, as well as more information about Bill and Pam’s CD sets and speaking engagements.

The openness of marriage is an opportunity for a great deal of trust, but can also result in your most personal information used against you in heated arguements. Dr. Katrina Kuzsyzyn-Jones discusses the effects of using intimate knowledge in fights with your spouse and offers tips for fighting constructively, without personal attacks.

Katrina holds a Masters degree in Forensic Psychology, a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology, and has been practicing for over 9 years. Katrina practices with Lepage Associates in Durham, NC and can be reached at 919.572.0000, or by visiting LepageAssociates.com

Every marriage has ups and downs, but it can sometimes be difficult to make sure that the inevitable disappointments don’t grow into larger problems and adversely affect a couple’s relationship. Dr. Steevie Jane Parks takes time to discuss some common events that lead to disappointment in a marriage and how each spouse reacts, as well as how couples can take these challenges head-on and use them to strengthen their relationship.

Dr. Steevie Jane Parks has been practicing for more than 20 years and currently lives and works in Carrboro, NC, where she offers couples and family counseling, as well as art therapy workshops and self-esteem building groups for adolescents. More information about Dr. Parks’ services is available on her website, DrSteevieJaneParks.com, or by calling her office at 919.918.1014.

Is conflict in your marriage taking a toll on your children? Even if the arguments take place behind closed doors, they can still impact your kids. Dr. Kristen Wynns discusses some tactics parents often use without realizing the effects and how parents can resolve conflicts in a constructive manner that provides a positive behavioral model for their children.

Dr. Wynns has a private practice in Durham, NC and specializes in therapy for children, adolescents, and families. You can find out more about Dr. Wynns practice and services at her website, KristenWynns.com, or by calling her office at 919.805.0182.

By Betty Phillips

After the honeymoon, when you realize that 50% of all marriages actually do end in divorce, marriage partners begin to realize the enormity of the tasks involved in staying happily married. Positive conflict management becomes a high priority in keeping marriages together. All couples argue, even in successful marriages, but happily married partners learn how to argue, stay best friends, and stay in love.

The overriding principle in managing arguments and conflicts is to make sure that rational thinking prevails and emotions do not run amuck. Visualize a continuum of emotions running from 0 to 10, with 10 being the highest level of anger and dissent ; you should try to keep your arguments/discussions at level 3 where you are engaged in the issues but not so overwhelmed by feelings that rational thinking is impossible. Many couples have learned to agree to schedule a “time out” when emotions run high, with the withdrawing partner agreeing to schedule “time in” to resolve the problem when both spouses calm down.

The following discussion is organized around the concept of ” SOLVE” to emphasize the fact that marital problems can be resolved in an atmosphere of love and respect.

“S” stands for the fact that you should try to schedule discussions of problems when both spouses are calm and focused and willing to discuss the issue. You all probably have experienced the opposite, running out of the door on a tight schedule, when your spouse brings up hot issues which cannot be resolved at the time, and both leave for daily activities feeling upset and angry. Too many of these unsuccessful encounters leave the marriage partners feeling frustrated with a growing number of underlying resentments.

“O” asks the question, what outcome do you really want for yourself and your partner? Pick one issue to discuss at a time, deciding the importance of the issue and whether your proposed solution is reasonable. Too often arguments become confused with a lot of side issues and unresolved problems thrown in, making it impossible to solve anything and again increasing resentments. Also realize that it makes no sense to argue about the past which cannot be changed. So stay focused on the present and future and decide what outcomes would be reasonable for you and your spouse.

“L” stands for listen to your partner until you really understand his or her point of view. What usually happens during an argument is that you never really listen to your partner, instead rehearsing your reply while you wait for your spouse to stop talking. So no one really feels heard and discussions escalate to arguments. If you don’t understand your partner’s point of view, ask questions until you do. Make sure that you validate your spouse’s point of view by showing your understanding of his or her position, even if you then proceed to state a different position on the issue.

“V” stands for verbalize your thoughts, feelings, needs and possible solutions. To keep a discussion positive, use “I” or “we” messages, not “you” messages. An example will illustrate the difference. Let’s say your spouse leaves towels, socks etc. on the floor. ” You are a slob” is an invitation to a fight; ” I get upset when stuff is left on the floor” is less accusatory; ” We have a problem keeping our house neat” may lead to a productive discussion. Try to discuss or “brainstorm” many possible solutions to resolve the problem; a solution may emerge as various possibilities are discussed in a calm manner.

“E” calls your attention to the need to evaluate your solutions after you try them out. Good ideas often go by the wayside when they are not discussed. Too often one partner may forget, the other may become resentful that the agreement was not followed, and then both stop implementing the solution. Instead, pick a time to sit down and review marriage issues to make sure that agreements are honored.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Not so. Actually It’s one of the hardest things that we can do, making sure our rational minds control our arguments, not our hot emotions. Cut out this article and put it on your refrigerator door or other prominent place, so you can refer to it when needed. You can also consult a marriage counselor to help you learn this process and by so doing protect and preserve your marriage. Marriage counseling can help prevent problems as well as save marriages.

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Dr. Phillips holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Harvard University and is certified by the National Register of Psychologists. She specializes in relationship and marriage counseling, including helping couples deal with the challenge of recovering from infidelity. Her office is located at 466 Eagle Point Rd. Pittsboro, NC 27312. You can find out more about Dr. Phillips practice, as well as other articles she has written on her website, or by contacting her at (919) 967.1860